On a Thursday night at the end
of August, my yoga students and I were having a discussion about aging. As most of the ladies are in my generation or
a bit older, we’ve been noticing subtle and not-so-subtle changes in our bodies
over the past decade. Still, in looking
back over my life, I’ve realized that despite the lines on my face and the fact
that I can’t always remember trivial information, this has been the best decade
so far.
As class ended, I thought for a
moment about my imminent birthday. “I
feel pretty lucky,” I commented. “Not
everyone gets to be fifty-one.” As soon as the words escaped my lips, another
thought popped into my head: Yeah, and you might not either. Not sure exactly where that came from, I
quickly brushed it off as just a non-consequential thought.
But twenty-four hours later, I
went septic in the emergency room.
Twenty-four hours after that, even
though they were doing everything they could, my doctors weren’t sure I would
survive.
Of course, after a long stay in
the hospital, I came home with the promise that I would soon make a full
recovery. It’s been pretty slow going,
but after a second surgery in October and a lot of time to rest, I’m finally
feeling more normal…at least what a new normal is like these days.
In the week after my hospital
stay, I could barely go up and down the stairs.
Washing dishes wore me out.
Changing the sheets took all the energy I had. But I didn’t really care. All I wanted to do was sleep or spend a few
hours binge-watching reruns of Friends
on Netflix. Not wanting to add to my
post-hospital melancholy, I chose to stay away from shows themed with espionage,
drama, and heavy emotions. Instead, I
deliberately decided to spend a considerable amount of time with Ross, Rachel,
Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe, knowing a light comedy was exactly what I
needed.
Every single day, I chuckled at
Chander’s wry wit, playfully rolled my eyes when Phoebe or Joey said something
particularly absurd, and laughed out loud whenever Ross found himself in a
sticky situation. (Remember his “paste pants”?) Still, my favorite episode by
far is “The One With the Cop” in which Ross, Rachel, and Chandler valiantly try
to move an oversized couch up several flights of stairs.
Every step of the way, Ross
gives very specific (and annoying) instructions, shouting numerous times,
“PI-VOT! PI-VOT! PI-VOT!!!”
Infuriated, Chandler finally shouts,
“Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!!!”
I’ve watched that short scene
more than a few times while writing this blog and it never gets old. I even found the outtakes on YouTube and laughed even harder.
It’s not that I haven’t come a
long way in the past couple of months. Still, I don’t feel the same…and not only about my physical health. In spending endless hours alone in silence while I
rested on the couch, I did a lot of soul
searching about here I’ve been. Where I
am in the present. Where I want to be in the
future. I used to think that by now I would
have a lead on a salaried job, or at least part-time work that could supplement
my income. But lately I’m often up in the wee hours of the morning, as my days and nights are
inverted and I'm not sleeping well. While a part of me would like
to line up an interview and start working outside of my home, a larger part is incredibly thankful to have a flexible schedule so I can get some
much-needed rest.
In climbing my way up the
winding staircase of healing, I’ve often had to stop and wait for pain to
cease. Wait to have a stent
removed. Wait for test results to
arrive. I’ve had to pivot my plans in
order to accommodate my energy level, which frustrates me to no end, for I’m
usually highly productive this time of year.
Sure, I still get things done, but my priorities have changed,
particularly where my health is concerned.
I’m not hauling an over-sized couch up the stairs, but I have been
hauling a lot of false perceptions about success, abundance, and productivity.
So, as autumn slowly turns to
winter, I’m choosing to slow down and appreciate even the simplest of blessings…a soothing afternoon nap, a mug of something
warm and wonderful, a quiet evening spent with good friends. After all, now more than ever, I know how blessed
I am to enjoy this contented, peaceful life.
 |
| You can watch Ross, Rachel, and Chandler do their best to PIVOT here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n67RYI_0sc0 |
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