It’s been quite a while since I’ve written an original blog. Curiously enough, the last 2016 essay I published is dated November 11th, the day I decided to take a leap of faith and perhaps change my life for the better. I’m infinitely thankful that I summoned the courage, because for the past couple of months I’ve been happily preoccupied by diving into an incredibly loving relationship. It wasn’t what I was expecting or even looking for, but since last spring, time has slowly evolved a captivating friendship into something I can’t quite put into words. That’s why I’ve put my journal and laptop aside, allowing myself to be immersed in living life…not just writing about it.
I used to think that once I found a man with whom I could fully be myself, everything would change. I imagined it to be like a lightning bolt of realization that would blow everything out of the water so that I could begin again, brand new and utterly transformed. But that didn’t happen. The day-to-day responsibilities of life are still the same. I work, I pay the bills, I enjoy time with friends. Yet what I’ve discovered is that the reality of loving someone…and being loved in return…is wholly unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
Now I find that everything is brand new. When I wake up in the morning, there’s another person in my life and in my heart. Someone else to pray and care for. Someone with whom I laugh until our sides ache. Someone who came into my life so magically, I almost missed it. Since we met last March, I’ve slowly discovered that all things are brand new, for my beloved allows me to open myself that much more, to expand my horizons, to experience even the most ordinary aspects of life on a deeper level because he’s standing right next to me, revealing himself as well.
Neither one of us can define what we’re creating, for there’s no definite way to describe how we feel. Love doesn’t even being to scratch the surface. Last week, my dear told me that the oneness he feels between us in unlike anything he’s ever known and I simply nodded, knowing I couldn't describe it any better. It’s not a fairytale we’re living, but a real-life, moment-to-moment encounter with each other. It doesn’t matter if we’re playing Trivial Pursuit, watching a movie, or walking through the grocery store. Any moment is extraordinary because we make it so…and because I’m wise enough to appreciate the remarkable man who is blessing my life with so much love and laughter, I find I’m overflowing with happiness.
On New Year’s Eve, we spent most of the day together taking care of our collective responsibilities while looking forward to a quiet evening at home. As my car turned into the neighborhood, I noticed the odometer ticking from 9,999 miles to 10,000. I brightly smiled. “That’s a good omen for the new year, right honey?”
My beloved good-naturedly agreed, saying, “Optimistic in spirit you are. Positive insight you have. Happy you will be.”
Laughing heartily, I replied, “Love you I do...there is no try.”
(Did I mention my sweetheart and I enjoy exchanging Yoda-speak?)
Close to midnight, decked out in black sweats and a dapper new hat, he strapped on his electric guitar and played me a little Jimi Hendrix, then some of his original compositions. Relaxing on the couch, I was lost in the moment, thankful that I had finally come home to myself so that I can share my life with a man who surprises me more each day with his exceptionally hilarious humor, his unique perspective on the gifts of grace and inner peace, his ability to spread love to anyone and everyone he meets.
When 12:00 arrived, my beloved said, “You know, we could think of this moment as a brand-new beginning, but I kinda do that every morning, you know?”
“I do,” I replied. "Every single day since we got together has been a new beginning."
The new year heralds a clean slate, another chance to set things right, an opportunity to stretch ourselves beyond who we think we are into something that might be challenging, but hopefully worth the work. As 2017 dawns, I’m happily closing the door on a solitary life that was necessary to lead me to a man who has allowed me to finally leave the past behind so that we can walk hand-in-hand into whatever the present moment holds.
Now more than ever, I'm infinitely and incredibly blessed.